skip to content »

Attraction and christian dating

The importance of physical attraction is related to the importance of the body itself. That's a fancy way of saying that we are souls.

attraction and christian dating-38attraction and christian dating-29attraction and christian dating-8

We may inadvertently assume that being attracted to something is primarily about without our conscious participation, and we therefore conclude it is beyond our control.With an uneasy smile, he said, “Well, you can make a pretty girl spiritual, but you can't make a spiritual girl pretty.” Everyone sensed the sarcasm in his maxim, but it didn't bring much resolution to the dilemma. This question comes up a lot in my current ministry, too, usually in the form of a single friend feeling guilty for not being attracted to an otherwise worthy romantic candidate.I usually tell friends they shouldn't feel guilty for not being attracted to someone—but they shouldn't think the matter is necessarily settled, either.Those things change, but physical attraction need not.Attraction is more a matter of commitment to value the full breadth of who my spouse is.But two things bothered me reading this piece: 1) I disagree that physical attraction isn’t a valid consideration when searching out a spouse (as long as it’s taste you’re considering, and not society’s); and 2) The fact that she was blown away by the very idea that dating a non-conventionally attractive person could be okay says something troubling about the Instagram generation.

(Are they really just as shallow as they’ve been made out to be?

"I thought that’s where you start—you pick from the pool of people to whom you’re attracted, and see which of them meets your standards." Americo disagreed.

“Sometimes, if our list of check boxes is too extensive, we might jump to an assumption and make a decision prematurely,” Americo told her, adding that by ruling out potential suitors who aren’t your preferred physical type, “you might miss out on somebody beautiful because you don’t see them that way, at first.” This was an earth-shattering paradigm shift for Spenceley, who said Americo’s words of wisdom "actually gave me heart palpitations." "This is gold," Spenceley wrote.

Isn't this more like Jesus' love for his people than simply following initial attractions?

I'm not casting doubt on couples who fell in love at first sight—but even love at first sight will eventually require the self-emptying love that only Jesus makes us capable of giving (Phil 2:1-11).

In marriage we hold hold our preferences loosely, valuing the person concretely rather than seeking a certain body shape or hair color.