Dating in forty
Maybe you’re divorced and frustrated with dating or haven’t ventured back out to the dating pool.
And since you are now a wise, mature adult (or better at acting the part), you know it’s not a big deal to cut a guy loose by telling him that you’re not feeling a click. On the other hand, you might feel a huge click with a guy who doesn’t share any of your interests But since you’re more mature and wise, you get that shared values and personality characteristics are more important than shared interests. Beware the newly-divorced You will hear a lot of people talk about snagging good catches when they’re leaving their first marriages. But remember that newly-divorced men come with a lot of baggage. They might not know how to take care of themselves, and they might have complicated custody issues that keep them from travelling. Single, independent, accomplished 40-year-olds know there’s nothing to fear in being alone. Even your feminist friends will treat your single state as a project they need to fix …and they will spend much creative energy trying to find you a match.Depending on who it’s coming from, this can be flattering or very insulting (especially the friends who urge you to compromise).But remember this: It’s only human for people to want to feel validated in their own life decisions by seeing you reflect them with your own.Still, people fall in love every day and many of my clients do find that loving man. This might seem harsh, but you are likely telling yourself several lies about love after 40 that are hurting you.These negative beliefs prevent you from connecting, or worse, stop you from even looking.You have to work hard to find someone you really want and really like – or, as one married male friend put it, “someone normal” (apparently normal men are in short supply).
The search is a kind of journey, and along the way you tend to learn a few things about yourself, and about the society we live in. Everyone knows lots of fabulous single women in their 40s …but can’t think of any equally fabulous single men the same age.
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Perhaps you were in a live-in or long-term relationship that ended, so you’re single again.
As a dating coach for women over 40, I know finding love the second time around (or even the first) is not easy.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single, attractive, heterosexual woman over the age of 40 must be in need of a man.