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ASK THE EXPERT: QI have been married 10 years and we have four children aged 9, 7, 6 and 4.
You might benefit from going to counselling especially if you feel traumatised and need to the help of an impartial listener to process some of the feelings.I feel a bit betrayed and worry about whether I can trust him.When I spoke to him again about it, he did apologise and said he won’t do it again but he then came out with a load of stuff about how unhappy he was in the marriage, that we never spend time together (which is true), but I don’t think it is fair for him to blame me.Of course your husband should not blame you and he must take responsibility for how he has hurt you with his online behaviour, but the two of you must take responsibility for improving the marriage.Though it may be painful, the fact that you have started talking about issues is a good sign.This should be time you have alone perhaps when the children are in bed and to make sure it is distraction free (with the computer and TV turned off).
In addition, try to have at least one special evening a week when you get a baby-sitter when you can do some new things together. The biggest prize of a successful marriage is closeness and intimacy – which allow a couple to accept and support one another on a deep level.
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When I challenged him, he was embarrassed and then defensive saying it was just harmless flirting and that he had not gone over any line.
I still feel really unhappy about what he has done.
Improving the marriage The discovery of your husband’s online world is a crisis in your marriage but it can also represent an opportunity.